so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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