and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
