no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
