I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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