i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize