The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
