even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
