I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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