Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
