does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
