What a fucking waste of an outfit
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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