the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
