WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
