we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
