I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize