1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
