So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i need some magic done to my vagina
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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