Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
