I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
