oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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