Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
