Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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