Your face is a jimmy john
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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