Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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