My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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