belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
