she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
