i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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