I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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