elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
