I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
