I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
