i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sorry about my life...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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