i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
