you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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