maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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