I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
