I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
