I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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