Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
