Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
