I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I lost the right to judge tonight
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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