ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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