i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
