Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
