I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
