Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
