So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
