u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize