pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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