I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
