Whod you bang
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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