put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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