4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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