at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize