Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
