Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
