Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
