I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
