Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
