There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
