call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
