you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
