i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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