Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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