you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
