oh fat girl friday strikes again...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
