WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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