We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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