Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The beer is more important than you right now.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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