you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize