I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
