We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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