I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
