It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Randomize
