Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Panties = found
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
