I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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