hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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