On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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