its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
honey bunches of taint.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
