my vag is so smooth its legendary
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize