god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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