why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
