I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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