sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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