i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
