I think my vagina is haunted
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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