My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
