Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
3 2 1 whiskey
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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