Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I FOUND THE LEGS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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