so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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