I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
