i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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