we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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