he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
