i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
