let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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