Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Pants are for mortals
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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