They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize