yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
