yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
