I wish my penis had an off switch
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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