I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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