dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
